Victim Mentality: 5 Signs & How To Deal With It In Yourself & Others

They need someone to know they’re the victim, so they make sure to let other people feel the weight of every single indiscretion that ever happened to them. If you want specific help for your marriage, or you want to know your healthy marriage score, take the marriage quiz. You’ll get immediate access with suggestions on how to improve your relationship. This means working together and not finding offense when you are ‘called out’ for drama or a negative mindset. The key is to balance loving them well and having boundaries in your relationship.

If you suspect your guy likes to play this card, try asking him about his friends; listen and take note of how many are long-term friends. You are likely to hear statements like; “I cut him off, he was toxic”. It takes a degree of self-awareness to figure out what is happening and why you are the one who is to blame, who is always sorry, and who is grossly imperfect in the relationship. Relationships like this can be especially draining when you aren’t sure of what you are dealing with.

You always feel like you’ve done something wrong

If things are good, he will make a plan to derail something. He plays people against each other so that he is always the centre of attention. I have only just discovered that this is a real condition, but you can only help those who want to be helped. He would, for instance, in an argument, blame me for something he has done by saying “I pushed his hand” Never accepting responsibility for his part in the scenario. Now I know that I am not all to blame and that this is real, I have to move on and cut the negativity out of my life. I do love him, but in this case love is not enough.

Also known as ‘closet narcissists’, they’re really good at faking empathy, say experts. Most people are validating and supportive at the beginning of a new relationship. On the other hand, a person who is sincerely struggling and needs to process what he or she is feeling is usually able to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is the capacity to identify and discuss uncomfortable and distressing emotions. This individual can identify, articulate, and eventually understand what they are feeling as they work through it.

They Feel Self-Pity

The passive aggressive rarely takes responsibility for being the sole owner of their choices in life. In fact, they become too addicted to playing the victim they make choices that allow them to continue that role. Don’t let their need to be a victim rob you of the joy, laughter, and love that you’ve earned. What is the pay-off for the passive-aggressive who plays the victim?

One minute things are good, and the next minute, things are sour. Does this person always come up with a flimsy excuse for their actions? It’s never their fault; it’s always something or someone else. A person with a victimhood mentality would rather come up with a million excuses to explain his actions than take responsibility. No one has it all, and in reality, we are all struggling with different issues.

However, a partner that pushes blame a lot feels he’s the only one struggling. Such a person continually compares himself to others; he is reluctant to acknowledge his privileges and believes he has it worse than other people. People that spend so much time focusing on what other people are getting wrong than on themselves definitely have a complex. They believe they are blameless and everything happening to them is a result of another person’s actions. “I feel like I’ve tried to be honest with my feelings about your need to share your unhappiness and dissatisfaction, and I can’t make space anymore for this in my life. I wish you the best, and I hope you take my advice about (A. B. C.), but I think it serves us both if we stop communicating.” Leave it at that.

To move forward and stop playing the victim, people engaging in this behavior need to see that keeping grudges is only holding them down. The victim needs to recognize that freeing others of blame is actually returning all power and self-control back to the victim. Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD.

The narcissist will spread lies and rumors about their victim to ruin their reputation. If your partner has been the subject of a smear campaign, it’s essential to be supportive and understanding. If your partner is experiencing any of these symptoms, advise them to talk to a mental health professional who can help them get the treatment they need. If you are dating someone who has previously experienced an abusive partner, it’s essential to be aware that they may suffer from mood and anxiety disorders. In therapy, the victim can work through the traumas they have experienced and begin to rebuild their sense of self.

Often times it takes a friend who is outside of the relationship to see this and point it out to you. This person that you care about pretends to have physical or mental problems to prevent you from leaving them to go home or even if you are trying to end the relationship. Though all manipulative games are bad when played on you by someone you care about, this is one of the worst games a significant other can play. They often create feelings or distrust and a suspicion that even affection from the gamer is not sincere.

Narcissists simply want you to believe that they are in the right. For that, they need you, and other people’s, fake validation. Not everyone will fake validate them, so they need to find people who would agree with them. In order for others to agree with them, they have to find unhealthy people who fall for their game, or people who don’t recognize toxic tendencies when they see them.

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